Thank you so much for the suggestions. You make an excellent point about the spiral bit, and I definitely agree with the vomit thing - I wanted a more scent than taste thing there, but gave up because of word count.
I really take the prompt loosely, so I'm not worried that it was only mentioned at the end.
I think I'll rewrite it (without the word count limitation) and send it to you to see if the new version is stronger. It'll be good practice.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2009-08-14 03:04 am (UTC)I really take the prompt loosely, so I'm not worried that it was only mentioned at the end.
I think I'll rewrite it (without the word count limitation) and send it to you to see if the new version is stronger. It'll be good practice.